‘This must be the spot’. After failing to negotiate my way through a road block (with my non-existent French) I am forced onto a gravel back road, meandering its way through the dense forrest. With plumes of diesel smoke chugging out of my clapped-out camper van, I find myself in a labyrinth of a village, with the buildings getting ever closer to the sides. Certain both mirrors will break on the stone wall, I somehow manage to scrape through.

Now, perched here above the road, the sound of the helicopters in the distance tells me the riders of le Tour de France can’t be far off…

– Beardy McBeard